An Essay on Loss and Grief

An Essay on Loss and GriefChoose one event on exit and construct an academic essay supported by relevant academic sourcesINTRODUCTIONThis essay explores my experience of loss and distress after the destruction of my father in 1997 and how my grieving fulfill relates to theories put forward to explain and deal with misadventure. Hall (2014) suggests that loss and mourning are fundamental to human support..Harvey (1998) perceives loss as a life experience relating to something irreversible and emotions towards what is lost. Hall (2014) defines grief as the repartee to the loss in its totality including its physical, turned on(p), cognitive, behavioural and spiritual manifestations and as a natural and normal reaction to loss. It has been argued that in order to understand grief it is important to understand the role of attachment. Mallon (2008) observed that in order to deport loss there must be attachment. As a result many theories of attachment play a major role in berea vement counselor-at-law. Bowlby (1980) emphasised the role of attachment in relationships. He suggests that a childs emotional growth will be compromised if the child does not soak up attachment to a signifi potbellyt other person. The consequences can buoy be that the individual may demand difficulties connecting with others.This essay will first explore some of the salient theories on grief and bereavement. Secondly, a discussion of my experiences grieving my fathers finish drawing on some key elements of bereavement theories will follow. Finally, a summary of the discussion will fill up the essay.THEORIES OF BEREAVEMENT AND LOSSFreud (1953 1974) was the first major contributor to the theory of grief. His theory stressed that grieving individuals search for an attachment that has been lost. His work involved the process of gaolbreak the links that bonded the survivor to the dead person. He identified three elements namelyFreeing the bereave from the bondage to the deceas edReadjustment to life without the deceasedBuilding naked-made relationships.Parkes (1971, 1996) argued that Freuds concept of grief was useful in considering grief to be part of a rebuilding process which he calls psychosocial transition. Freud (1953-1974) argued that the grieving experience for the bereaved requires that they allow their separation from the deceased by going through a process that includes painful emotions of guilt and anger. Furthermore, these emotions must be expressed. Key to Freuds approach was the idea that if the bereaved failed to work with or complete their grief work, then the grieving process would become complicated and compromise recovery. This assume stresses the importance of moving on as quickly as possible in order to return to normal functioning.Influenced by Freud (1953-1974), several grief theorists including Kbler Ross (1969), Bowlby (1980) and Parkes Weiss (1983) abstractised grief as a process of predict equal phases and tasks. One of t he most recognised was Kbler Ross (1969), who proposed the five-stage model that constituted the following stagesShock and denialAngerResentment and guiltBargaining economic crisis and Acceptance.The model insists that failure to complete the stages would result in acute mental health complications. Hall (2014) argues that the stage theories were popular because they suggest a sense of conceptual order while offering hope of recovery and closure. Despite their popularity, most stage theories attracted criticism in the same way that Freuds prompting attracted criticism for their lose of empirical evidence and their rigidity. Furthermore, the stage theories have been challenged for their inability to capture the complex, diverse and multi-faceted nature of the grieving experience. Baxter and Diehl (1998) argue that since grief is considered to be fluid, it is unlikely that individuals are able to go through the stages in a methodical manner as advocated by the stage theorists. In sh ort, they do not soak up account of factors such(prenominal) as the physical, psychological, social, cultural and spiritual needs that impact on the bereaved people, their families and intimate networks (Hall 2014).Despite these criticisms, early stage theories have provided great groundwork and knead on current theories such as the duple-Processing theory developed by Stroebe and Schut (1999) and Worden (2008). Hall (2014) argues that these theories take account of many of the risks and protective factors identified by question and provide an important context for appreciating the idiosyncratic nature of attachment to the deceased that is lacking in the earlier stage theories. Both models provide frameworks that guide intervention. Richardson and Balaswamy (2001), when evaluating the Dual Processing Model, suggested that avoiding grief can have both positive and negative outcomes. They proposed that this is where bereavement is perceived as including Loss of Orientation and Rest oration Orientation. The griever in the loss-orientation is preoccupied with emotions, yearning and ruminating about the deceased, whereas, restoration orientation involves taking over the responsibilities and the roles undertaken by the deceased and making lifestyle sorts, setting up a new identity without the deceased (Richardson, 2007 Bennett, 2010a).Worden (2008) suggests that grieving should be considered as an active process that involves engagement with four tasksAccepting the reality of the lossProcessing the pain of griefAdjusting to a homo without the deceased (including both internal, external and spiritual adjustments)Finding an enduring affiliation with the deceased whilst embarking on a new life.To understand what the customer is experiencing, Worden identified seven determinants that need to be consideredWho the person who died wasThe nature of the attachment to the deceasedHow the person diedHistorical antecedentsPersonality variablesSocial mediatorsConcurrent st ressorsEXPERIENCES OF GRIEFIn discussing my grieving process, I am going to draw on Wordens (2008) four tasks indicated above. The seven determinants indicated above will be used to guide the discussion and play the experience utilising relevant theoretical perspectives.i. To accept the reality of the lossI was in the UK undertaking my nursing course when my father died in Zimbabwe from a fast heart related problem. I was informed early in the morning soon after my brother received news of his death. Since I was living alone, I had to make several phone calls home to confirm his death and to ascertain how he died and establish why more was not done. I remember instant(a) but the tears did not correspond to my emotions. For a long time I matt-up detached from my feelings. My emotions appeared to be bottled up and were difficult to release. My immediate response to the news reflects Bowlby and Parkes (1970)s proposed first stage of grief where the individual experiences numbness, s hock, and denial. I had always dreaded the day my father would die. I remember pacing up and dispirited my bedroom, feeling very alone and helpless. During one of the calls from my brother, he mentioned that he needed me there. That was the time that I realised that this was real. It was at this moment that I started to call friends and communicate them of the news. I cannot remember most of what happened but I remember one of my friends took over and made the necessary travel arrangements and spoke to my family in Zimbabwe. I weigh that I further accepted the loss much later when I found that I could not share with him that I had bought a beautiful house. I desperately needed his comments and praises. My letter with the surprise information and pictures was in the post box when he passed away.ii. To process the pain of griefI believe I experienced the pain of losing my father when I returned to the UK after going through three weeks of the funeral and other rituals related to d eath in my culture. The cultural rituals are a mixed bag of tears, laughter, praying, singing and sharing memories and kinship with the deceased. This, to a large extent, eased me into the grieving process. However, the real pain of his loss took place when I returned to the UK where I could grieve in private. I found myself avoiding friends and other associates. It was as if my identity had been taken away and that made me tearful. This echoes the suggestion by Caserta and Lund (1992) that the bereaved may have to redefine their identity. Prompting questions like Who am I now that I am no longer a daughter? Hall (2011) and Caserta and Lund (1992) suggest that this can set in motion a process of re-learning ourselves and the world. On reflection, friends and associates reminded me of the me that I had lost. The pain would come and go. I often cried on my own. The crying and anxiety concurs with Bowlbys proposition that loss of the affectional attachment results in emotional disturba nces such as anxiety, crying and anger (Freeman, 2005). I experienced this for over a year and felt lost. Although functioning, I was no longer myself. I started having frequent dreams of my father and would look forward to going to bed where I could be with my father.iii. To adjust to a world without the deceasedIt is difficult to identify exactly when it was that I adjusted to a life without my father. It took a long time. Although we lived far from each other, my father played a major role in most of my decisions and reassurances. Two events contributed to my adjustment. Firstly, my mother encouraged me to register for a Masters course that I was talking myself out of. Suddenly, I saw my fathers qualities in her. The security and trust I had in my father had transferred to my mother. Secondly, crying uncontrollably at a church in the UK the day I received news that my brother had died in a car accident. On reflection I realised that although I was crying for the loss of my brothe r, I was excessively finally crying for my father. Taking over care for my brothers children added to the adjustment of living without my father.iv. Finding an enduring connection with the deceased whilst embarking on a new lifeBeing ancestral believers, the bond between my late father and me remains but it manifests in a different form to the bond we had when he was alive. I believe that spiritually, my father and my forefathers protect me and help me achieve my ambitions by chasing away bad spirits and creating luck and opportunities for me. My family and I participate in cultural rituals in remembrance of him and our forefathers. Psychologically, my bond with my father remains as he continues to be my role model. As a result, I dedicate most of my achievements to him. This continued connection and perceived role played by my father 18 years after his death confirm Datson and Marwits (1997) argument that continued bonds with deceased can have positive outcomes. Therefore, letting go is not inevitably the requirement for successful grieving. According to Hall (2014) this idea represents recognition that death ends a life, not necessarily a relationship.CONCLUSIONThe discussion above illustrates that the theoretical perspectives of loss and bereavement have developed from emotional attachment to more holistic approaches. These theories not only carry on the influences of the early work focused on emotions and attachment but take account of the social, economic, cultural and spiritual needs experienced by bereaved people. Significantly, these theories do not center letting go as a requirement of successful grieving. On the contrary, a continued bond with the deceased can be positive. My experience largely confirmed the complexity of the grieving process. Some of the experiences indicated above confirmed some of the early theorists observations such as the emotional rollercoaster and the early stage theorists suggestions of shock in the early stages. I did not however experience the full stages of grieving in chronological order, and the experience was by no means quick. Factors such as my culture and spiritual beliefs contributed significantly to my grieving process and influenced the outcome of my continued bond with father. In view of this it can be argued that there is a place for the different approaches to loss and bereavement in supporting bereaved people. However, the multi-cultural society encouraged by globalisation requires that we take account of the wider aspects of the bereavement process.REFERENCESBaxter, E. A. and Diehl, S. (1998). Emotional stages Consumers and family members recovering from the trauma of mental illness. 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